


The Road Trip

by Spindini



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: F/F, Game Shows, Gen, Road Trips
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-21
Updated: 2018-05-28
Packaged: 2019-05-09 14:18:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 3,840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14717709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spindini/pseuds/Spindini
Summary: Peridot, Jasper, and Lapis take a trip to Intellectual Property World, and realize that sometimes, getting there is half the fun.





	1. Chapter 1

"Jasper! Lapis! I have an idea!" shouted Peridot.

Jasper looked up from her copy of Solver's Choice Magazine, with Vanna White on the cover. "And I was just figuring out what all this Vanna stuff was about!" 

"This is a good idea. Let's take a road trip to IP World."

"IP?" asked Lapis.

"Intellectual Property. Where all the Earth shows and stuff come alive! The rides even have higher height requirements than Fun Land, and since I can shapeshift with my limb enhancers back, that's perfect!"

"Oh, so that's why you bought that VW van. I still think you're too... spendy," said Lapis.

"Don't talk to me about being spendy, you got a Z Phone just so you could play Hoshimon Whoa," said Peridot.

"But none of us can drive!" said Jasper.

"Have you forgotten my metal powers?"

"...I guess I have. Still, what if we want to be Malachite? She's too big to fit in there."

"That didn't stop you before," giggled Peridot.

"We'll just have to practice modulating her initial size," said Lapis.

Jasper picked up Lapis and pulled her into fusing. Malachite promptly shifted into a sea-green Vanna White with white hair, four eyes, a second set of arms, and gems in the right places. "Is this a good idea for our new form?"

"Well... when I want to see Vanna, the Vanna look is perfect. But when I'm with you, I'd rather be looking at someone with puffy hair, two long arms, and four broad limb-things holding the whole thing up."

"Ah, guess I fixed you." Malachite turned into a slightly smaller version of herself, then defused and fused again. The later fusion was also slightly smaller. The components repeated the cycle until when Malachite formed, she did at Jasper's size.

"I think we should get some delicious snacks for our trip," said Peridot.

"Just don't forget that one of us doesn't eat or drink," said Malachite. She then defused.

"It's me," said Jasper.

Peridot and Lapis went to the convenience store, and Lapis picked up a pallet of water bottles. Peridot decided on a pack of Diet Dr. Solve sodas and a bag of Lies potato chips.

"Shouldn't you pick Doros, considering their shape matches your head?"

"Well, I probably should have expected that considering you selected water."

Lapis sighed and added a Giggles chocolate bar on top of the water. After checking out, they noticed Jasper using Peridot's laptop. "What are you doing with my computer?"

"Making one-third of a playlist."

"One-third?"

"I think each of us should add ten songs to a playlist for the trip. I already got my ten, so it's your turn, Peridot."

Peridot levitated her laptop as she added her ten, making a point of starting it with Wonderwall. She also added a Wiggles song for fun. When she finished, Peridot handed her computer to Lapis.

The additions Lapis made were mostly non-notable, with the exception of Stuck In A Closet With Vanna White. She knew it would provoke a reaction from Peridot, and just wanted to see it. When Lapis finished, she transferred the playlist to Peridot's tablet. When she looked at the directions to IP Land on it, her happiness faded. "13 hours?!"

"Well, it is in Sunshine. That's not exactly near Delmarva," said Peridot.

"Then we're just have to be in it for the long haul," said Jasper, lifting the water pallet into the very back of the van. When the convenience items were squared away, Lapis and Jasper piled into the back seat, and Peridot got up front. She used her metal powers to "drive" the VW down the road. Lapis turned on Hoshimon Whoa, and the playlist started, on shuffle of course. They all had a feeling that it was going to be a long day.


	2. Chapter 2

"A and B in Bakery," called out Lapis. "C in Car."

"A in Car!" shouted Jasper.

"What are you talking about?" asked Peridot.

"It's called the Alphabet Game," said Lapis. "We have to find letters in the alphabet in words outside the car and whoever gets to Z first wins. We call out the words because you can't use the exact same letter as someone else."

Peridot looked around. "A in Delmarva, B in Bingo." Suddenly, the van stalled in the middle of the road.

"What?!" cried Lapis.

"It seems I require absolute focus to operate my metal powers," said Peridot. The van started moving normally again. Lapis and Jasper kept finding letters until Lapis found a J in an "Injured? Call This Lawyer!" sign. Jasper had been stuck on I for a while, but noticed that she had a name tag which obviously had a J in it.

"J in Jasper!" she yelled, holding the tag up.

"You can't do that! The Alphabet Game rules state that the letter must be outside the car," said Lapis.

Jasper opened a window and held her name tag out the window. "There! Now it's outside the car!"

"No, there's a required distance..."

Jasper lengthened her arm so that the tag was as far away as a billboard, but her hand ended up slapping into the billboard. The motion of the van ended up making her fly out. Peridot levitated the car off the road to pick Jasper up from under the board, then got back to the road.

"Forget it! Let's just fuse so I can have your progress," said Jasper.

"That is the worst reason to fuse I've ever heard of, and I've seen a fusion that is just a late-night talk show host."

"If you need a better reason, do it for Peridot."

Lapis tumbled into Jasper and they fused. Then, Lapis' Z Phone beeped. The live quiz show app, HQ, had just started! "HQ!" growled Malachite. Peridot swung the van onto a closed beach. Malachite held the Z Phone up to Peridot so she could see the questions. 

"Qumero Numero Uno... how many cards are in a deck of cards? 1, a million, or 52?" asked the host, Sarah Pribis. Peridot tapped the 52 option, getting it right and going to question 2. She made it through questions 2-4 without issue, but lost out on question 5. Something about which element was also the last name of a sports commissioner. 

"We don't need the money anyway," said Peridot.

Malachite put down the Z Phone. "Forget about HQ. I want to play with you!" She extended her long arms and pulled Peridot to the back of the van. Malachite squeezed Peridot with the hands of her front legs, and Peridot used her disembodied fingers to play with Malachite's fluffy hair.

"I picked that one," Peridot whispered as Wonderwall started playing from her tablet. 

"Not even our picks could have been better for this moment," said Malachite. She then kissed Peridot and nibbled on her mouth a little. The sun glinted in through the windows and reflected off all of their gems and Peridot's limb enhancers. Malachite removed a chunk of water from the nearby ocean and froze it into a heart shape. "For you," she purred.

Peridot smiled widely, looking into Malachite's quadrupled eyes. She could say nothing until the song ended.

The tablet started blaring, "Doctor, every night I have the strangest dreams..."


	3. Chapter 3

Peridot jumped back in surprise, and Malachite defused. "I knew you'd hate that song!" Lapis giggled.

"No, it's actually a good one. Even if the man who sings this song originally wants to get away from dreaming of Vanna, notice the absence of the word 'nightmare' anywhere. I think he likes Vanna as much as I do. Stuck In A Closet With Vanna White is very valid," explained Peridot.

"Well, stop thinking about it and start driving us," said Jasper. 

Peridot levitated the van back onto the road and moved it along. As the vehicle went over the state line to Big Carolina, an orange worm the size of the van with a circular mouth full of sharp teeth lashed out at it. Peridot halted the van's movement. The last few bars of Stuck In A Closet With Vanna White played, and the worm took on a more humanoid shape, lanky with a poof of dark orange hair, sharp teeth, one leg, and a belly gem. "What happened? I'm back!"

"Vanadinite! It's you!" cried Jasper.

"Wait... THAT'S the legendary de-corruption song?!" asked Lapis.

"Yes, it surprised me too, but it was the only time Peridot's Vanna White obsession ever helped me," said Jasper. 

"Didn't you take my copy of Solver's Choice with Vanna in it once?"

"Don't mention that! I just wanted to know the plot!"

A giant lavender bat with no eyes and a gem on its chest swooped down. "That's Iolite!" shouted Vanadinite.

"Quick, turn on the song again," said Jasper.

"I'm not doing that. What if some corruptions actually like being corrupted? They can still write. We don't know!" said Peridot. "Iolite, write if you want to stay like this or go back, in the dirt here."

Iolite scrawled some gem language in the ground with one of her arms. "I was right! She doesn't want to stop being corrupted!" shouted Peridot.

Peridot got the van going again, and Lapis played Hoshimon Whoa. She caught a few Hoshimon, all of which had star-shaped bodies, and then started screaming. "Stop! There's a Rigel! It's legendary!"

"You'll like IP World better. There's probably a Hoshimon ride there or something. Forget that Rigel thing," said Peridot.

"Say, isn't Big Carolina Vanna's home state?" asked Jasper. 

"Vanna?!" Peridot screeched the van to a stop.

"So, you'll stop for a washed-up game-show lady, but not my Rigel!"

"Vanna is real." Peridot checked her tablet. "The Vanna White Museum is still an hour away, and we're going to it."

"As they say in Overlook, do not lose sight of the objective!" said Jasper.

"No one needs to go to some Vanna museum when they probably don't even have her as an exhibit," said Lapis.

"I'll get you anything you want at this convenience store," said Peridot. She stopped the van outside a convenience store and went in with Lapis. When they got in, Lapis picked a chilled milk-and-coffee mix with a vanilla flavor.

"But isn't that too close to Vanna?" asked Peridot.

"They are two different things."

Peridot got one for herself, and they both checked out and got back in the van. Peridot chugged the whole thing before heading towards the Vanna museum, as she couldn't drive if she was focused on some Vanna drink, and Lapis leaned back and sipped hers slowly.


	4. Chapter 4

Jasper had given up on the Alphabet Game, but Lapis finally ended her run by finding a Zaxby's. She could have started over using the A and B, but Peridot stopped the van at the Vanna White Museum. "I'm not going in there, no matter what you two Vanna fans think of me!" Lapis screeched.

"It says there's a showcase of Vanna's 6,000 gowns of Wheel of Fortune, a life-sized puzzleboard that makes it so that YOU can be Vanna, copies of the licensed Vanna merchandise released over the years, Vanna's childhood items, and an accurate Vanna White replica," said Peridot. At the last item, Jasper cracked a toothy grin.

"Well, you're right! Lapis is not going to go in there! Because..." She pulled Lapis into a fusion.

"We're Malachite now." 

Malachite busted open a few water bottles to use the water to shackle her own legs to the ground. Jasper broke the fusion from inside and decided to go into the museum with Peridot. They ran up and down the hall of dresses, and Peridot took the time to stroke them. "So that's why Vanna doesn't get to keep them!" said Peridot.

They both made some letters appear on the puzzleboard and took notice of the Vanna dolls and yarn enshrined in the merchandise section. When they looked through Vanna's childhood belongings, neither saw any pretty gowns, but Peridot tried out Vanna's old time-out chair with green and white stripes. Jasper wanted to sit there but could not fit.

After looking at the Vanna White replica, Peridot left from embarrassment. Jasper stayed in the room with it, and after ten minutes still wasn't out. Peridot left and asked Lapis, "Want to stay at a hotel for the night?"

"But we don't need sleep. And what happened to Jasper?"

"She's still researching Vanna White or something." Jasper then exited, and Peridot asked her what she thought of staying the night at a hotel.

"That's not a bad idea, and I could practice my sleep there."

Peridot pulled them over to the One/Fifth Inn. "That slash in the name was just too much," said Peridot. 

When they checked in, the front desk person was first shocked, but then said, "You may be green, blue, and orange, but just show me some green money!" Peridot complied and they walked upstairs to their second-floor room. Lapis immediately went out on the balcony and got a great view of the road at night. 

"Does this place have a pool?" she asked.

"Yes, but we shouldn't go until after midnight or we might surprise the guests," said Peridot.

They watched Wheel of Fortune at 18:00 and went down to the pool at 00:00. Jasper pulled some depth markers off the pool's edges and threw them to the bottom. "Why are there numbers at the bottom of the pool?!" screeched Peridot. Lapis was sitting at the bottom of the five-foot water, next to the depth markers.

"If they're so upsetting to you, why don't I just relax you by becoming Malachite?" said Jasper, reaching for Lapis' hand. Lapis leaned into her and they fused. Malachite splashed Peridot with a torrential wave, and Peridot could only respond with a few drops produced by her detached fingers. Malachite pulled Peridot into a big kiss under the not-quite-full moon.

"Are you sure I live up to Vanna White?" asked Peridot.

"I'm not all Vanna fan, you know?" roared Malachite.

Malachite then split and they all went back to the room. Lapis decided to watch some anime on her Z Phone, while Peridot and Jasper emulated sleep. The next day, they got up and walked down to the breakfast area to get Peridot some Tiny Wheat cereal. Lapis followed behind.

"I could get used to doing nothing for 8 hours," said Jasper.


	5. Chapter 5

When Peridot got the van past the state line into Sunshine, the trunk swung open. Water bottles and cans of Diet Dr. Solve flew out the back, along with Jasper's destabilizer. Peridot stopped to get the drinks, but could not find the device, which had fallen down a hole. "Why did you even bring that thing?" asked Peridot.

"In case we see a fusion corruption or something!"

Peridot shook her head and continued. Northern Sunshine was mostly full of trees and small towns. When Peridot requested they get out at a rest area, they did. Jasper and Lapis lay out on picnic benches in the outdoor area, and Peridot looked for sticks. When she found one roughly shaped like the destabilizer, she took the opportunity.

"Here. Go poke some fusions with it." Peridot held the stick out towards Jasper.

"Not funny, little one, not funny!" A squirrel clung to her leg. "Get off me!"

"I'd rather you keep it," said Lapis.

"But I know nothing about these things! How will I even keep them?" said Jasper.

"Let's just name it Q, for its question-mark tail, and release it." Peridot shooed Q off Jasper's leg and it ran up a tree. They piled back into the van.

Meanwhile, under the Carolina/Sunshine border, the destabilizer popped the bubble surrounding the cluster and released millions of shards from it, each shard having a limb, or rarely a head, sticking out from it. They burst through the crust and created a fusion form, a massive rainbow of thousands of limbs and dozens of heads. She spoke in a distorted voice. "Thanks for helping us form!"

The cluster was so loud, she could be heard for miles. "What was that?!" asked Peridot. She manipulated the van to go in the direction of the voice. When Peridot noticed the amalgam that could only be the great cluster, she said, "I knew it could have been great."

"Did you save us from eternal bubbling, Peridot?" asked the cluster.

"You know what? Thank her instead," Peridot said, pointing to Jasper. "The only way you could have gotten out without destroying the planet is by being destabilized first."

The cluster extended her many hands to "hug" Jasper, but she rejected it. "Please, it's best that you stay in love with yourself." She poked the cluster with her destabilizer-like stick.

"I can't believe you kept my gift. Well, now we have to get to IP World," said Peridot, floating the van back to the rest area and onto the road.

They saw many tourist-themed stores with big windows and beach gifts as they went towards the theme park, finally arriving at 15:30.


	6. Chapter 6

When they arrived in IP World, Peridot read from a booklet. "See, there's four areas you can choose from. The Wonder Monarchy has sections based on fantasy, the future, the Old West, jungles, and... just a street, I guess. WorldCom is different. It has two halves: one futuristic and one with country replicas. The Property Studio is based on show business. And the Wildlife World is like a zoo with rides."

"I say we go in order. Let's start with the Wonder Monarchy," said Lapis.

Peridot drove them past the green road signs and noticed that the signs were turning purple as they got closer. She parked the car in a space, and they got out to go to the Ticketing and Transportation Center.

"We need tickets to get in," said Jasper.

"Wait! I have a plan!" Peridot shifted to just a bit larger than her gem. Jasper and Lapis proceeded with that tactic. They made it past the bag check and onto the monorail. Peridot noticed the large tunnel-like shape of the Modern Resort and the white walls of the Grand Sunshinian. When the monorail stopped, they went around the ticket booth and into the park, then returned to their normal forms.

Inside the Wonder Monarchy, they enjoyed the log flume of Mt. Pining Hearts, the dark roller coaster named the Homestar Rider, and the railroad roller coaster known as Thunder Meowntain. Lapis wanted to get on The Adventures of the Crying Breakfast Friends, but Peridot said no way. 

The next day, they chose to go to WorldCom. Peridot's favorite was Universe of Energy, or as she called it, The Jeopardy Ride. It was more of a show than a ride but the theater did move a bit, and it definitely had Jeopardy in it. Lapis preferred Flyin', a ride that brought riders "into" a scene on a screen and moved them in sync with it. The ride moved them all around the Hoshimon world. Duel Track was Jasper's ride of choice, which was a high-tech, high-speed race car ride that had steep hills and sharp turns. It was themed to the Yu-Sei-Oh! card game. 

Peridot and Lapis decided to walk through the country section of WorldCom to see which one had the most appealing food. After settling on sushi in the Japan replica, Lapis bumped into Vanna White. "Excuse me," said Vanna.

"Excuse yourself!" cried Lapis.

"That's no way to talk to Vanna!" yelled Peridot.

Lapis tried to call Jasper with her Z Phone, but then realized Jasper did not have any devices of her own. She would just have to miss out on Vanna this time.

"Vanna! I have so many things to ask you! ...Are you taken?" asked Peridot.

"Yes, I'm still with Sylvia."

Peridot didn't know what else to say to Vanna and bade Lapis to go off to Jasper. "We met Vanna," said Peridot after finding her.

"Why didn't you call me over?"

"You don't have a phone, and she's still taken anyway."

After they got back in the car, Peridot pulled up a picture of Vanna and Sylvia, with their child Sylvanna, on her tablet.

"Funny how she looks like both of them in addition to her name being a combination," said Lapis.

"She is a combination of them," said Peridot.

"But... how?" 

"You know, they didn't always call Vanna, Vanna."

"Ohhh." A look of understanding crossed Lapis' face. "Then what did they call her?"

"That's rude."

The day after, they took off towards the Property Studio.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This Vanna White has aspects of her that don't apply to the real Vanna. I thought to change her up a little since this is a world with no Russia, no holidays, and a whole world of hardlight people whose souls are stored in rocks, so why not a slightly different Vanna?


	7. Chapter 7

In the Property Studio, they noticed that today was the day the great soap opera parade was happening. Peridot excitedly pointed out her favorite star, Meredith Daniels, who played a main character named Valerie White on The Shining Light. "Valerie is the best!"

"I got used to Vanna, but Valerie is too much," said Jasper. "Let's just get on the Highshaft of Horror."

"NO! This is a drop tower! Stairs please!" screeched Peridot.

"We'll be Malachite for the rest of the day if you do it," said Jasper.

Peridot agreed and they went to the top of the Highshaft elevator, then piled into the room and suddenly dropped 13 floors. Peridot poofed from the intensity, leaving her limb enhancers behind. When they landed at the bottom, Peridot reformed and Jasper and Lapis became Malachite, helping her put on her limb enhancers. Malachite then carried Peridot off to the Wheel of Fortune Set. "If you can solve a puzzle, you can win!" it purported.

The puzzle filled in, letter by letter, but another audience member got it before Peridot could. Peridot then saw a puzzle with four blanks, two blanks, three blanks, and eight blanks, and instantly rang in. "SLAP ON THE FOREHEAD!" she shouted. Peridot got a free SpeedPass to get to the front of the Musical Coaster line, but skipped out on it.

When going to the Wildlife World, Malachite's first choice was to ride the Pining Raft Rapids. Peridot went along with it because of its theme, and though it was hard to strap a six-limbed person into a raft, Malachite managed. She held Peridot tight during the faster parts. 

Malachite, however, did not like Yoyle Expedition, a roller coaster based on a high mountain in a web series. The part where it went backwards was too much for her to handle. Peridot enjoyed it immensely, though.

After leaving Wildlife World, Peridot decided to fly the car directly to Beach City with her metal powers, instead of using the road. 

"That's probably the best idea. We don't need any more Vanna arguments, and the sooner we go back to playing around with each other like we used to, the better," growled Malachite. 

When they got back, Peridot went to Vidalia's house to tell her the good news, but saw her sharing a kiss with Amethyst. "Don't stay with her, that clod tried to rip my tablet from me. She's lucky I have metal powers or there would only be a few shards left of her," said Peridot.


End file.
